--- Forwarded mail from <CATALA@ALIGA.CESCA.ES>

Subject:      Futeses

 WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

 Plato:
   For the greater good.

 Karl Marx:
   It was a historical inevitability.

 Machiavelli:
   So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has
 the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for
 whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian
 virtue?  In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.

 Hippocrates:
   Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.

 Noam Chomsky:
         The chicken didn't exactly cross the road. As of 1994, something
 like 99.8% of all US chickens reaching maturity that year, had spent 82% of
 their lives in confinement. The living conditions in most chicken coops
 break every international law ever written, and some, particularly the ones
 for chickens bound for slaughter, border on inhumane. My point is, they had
 no chance to cross the road (unless you count the ride to the supermarket).
 Even if one or two have crossed roads for whatever reason, most never get a
 chance. Of course, this is not what we are told. Instead, we see chickens
 happily dancing around on Sesame Street and Foster Farms commercials where
 chickens are not only crossing roads, but driving trucks (incidentally,
 Foster Farms is owned by the same people who own the Foster Freeze chain, a
 subsidiary of the dairy industry). Anyway, ...
 (Chomsky continues for 32 pages. For the full text of his answer, contact
 Odonian Press)

 Thomas de Torquemada:
   Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

 Timothy Leary:
   Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.

 Douglas Adams:
   Forty-two.

 Nietzsche:
   Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the
 Road gazes also across you.

 Oliver North:
    National Security was at stake.

 Carl Jung:
   The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that
 individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore
 synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

 Jean-Paul Sartre:
   In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it
 necessary to cross the road.

 Ludwig Wittgenstein:
   The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and
 "road," and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of
 this potential
 occurrence.

 Albert Einstein:
   Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken
 depends upon your frame of reference.

 Aristotle:
   To actualize its potential.

 Buddha:
   If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.

 Salvador Dali:
   The Fish.

 Darwin:
   It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

 Emily Dickinson:
   Because it could not stop for death.

 Epicurus:
   For fun.

 Ralph Waldo Emerson:
   It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

 Johann Friedrich von Goethe:
   The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

 Ernest Hemingway:
   To die. In the rain.

 Werner Heisenberg:
   We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was
 moving very fast.

 David Hume:
   Out of custom and habit.

 Saddam Hussein:
   This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in
 dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

 Jack Nicholson:
   'Cause it (censored) wanted to.  That's the (censored) reason.

 Pyrrho the Skeptic:
   What road?

 Ronald Reagan:
   I forget.

 John Sununu:
   The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite
 understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.

 The Sphinx:
   You tell me.

 Henry David Thoreau:
   To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.

 Mark Twain:
   The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

 Stephen Jay Gould:
         It is possible that there is a sociobiological explanation for it,
 but we have been deluged in recent years with sociobiological stories
 despite the fact that we have little direct evidence about the genetics of
 behavior, and we do not know how to obtain it for the specific behaviors
 that figure most prominently in sociobiological speculation.

 Joseph Stalin:
         I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omlette.

 Malcom X:
         It was coming home to roost.


--- End of forwarded mail from <CATALA@ALIGA.CESCA.ES>